chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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