We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
