You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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