its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
