Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
