so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize