I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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