Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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