# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
