he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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