the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
