Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
