Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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