I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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