I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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