the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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