Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
