omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
