dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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