Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
