so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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