You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
