I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
