3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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