1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
