It's Friday. Sex?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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