dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
