Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
