ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
