I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
