If i come over, it means nothing
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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