i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
