we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
