508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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