He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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