If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You've changed since you got that strap on
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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