i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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