Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
