My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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