The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You were trust falling into bushes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
