Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
