i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
