his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
