i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.