God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?