im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at