Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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