So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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