I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
