i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
