I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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