I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
