We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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