Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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