You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize