Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
