I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
