He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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