I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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