Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
