Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
