God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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