im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
