Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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