I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
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Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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