Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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