You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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