I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
