and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
