ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
whose parrot is this?
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i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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