Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
