I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
