I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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