there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
