Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
