I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
