Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
